Fundraisers all around the world help different people, organizations, and institutions to gain the money they need to succeed or even live. Things like girl scout cookies, candy bars, and carwashes are the paradigms of American fundraising. But there's something missing.... What happened to all the bad fundraising ideas? Well we're going to tell you about a few of them. Some of them have happened and some of them haven't, but are bound to eventually.
1) Umbrellas. First, no one really even uses umbrellas when it rains. Second, it doesn't even rain often enough for it to matter. Maybe I would buy one umbrella in my lifetime and that's really all. Not 150 umbrellas. In bulk. For the Class of 2011. I mean, that didn't happen or anything, but it gets kind of sad when the school librarian has bought about 20 of them and we still have 120 left. They're yellow. The only thing I use less than umbrellas are things that are yellow, so this is just all wrong. I really am curious as to whether or not we'll ever manage to sell all of our umbrellas. Let's hope it rains at prom or something.
2) When searching bad fundraising ideas on the internet, I found one about a cookie drive at a local diabetes clinic. I personally think this awkward match would work really well. And by that, I mean it wouldn't. People would die.
3) Screaming. This is where Iceland gets most of its revenue, according to Bjork. Dragons and fishing are other main sources of Iceland's revenue. I mean, we could always have a screaming dragon contest, in which the dragons fish while screaming. But really, this would be a horrible idea, and it should never be done. If you were thinking of trying it, try it, because I'd like to see you find any dragons in the first place.
4) You could always try selling myspace pictures of people. Just go up, tell them to hold the camera, take a picture of themselves, and give you the camera so you can print it. Then frame it and make them pay for it. I'm sure everybody would totally go for this, especially in people's rooms, where most myspace pictures are taken.
5) A Furby fundraiser. Just don't do it.
6) You walk into a room and you spot a copier. It really doesn't matter where this room is because you immediately forget and think "I'm going to make a butt print." So, you sit on the copier, press copy, and there is a print of your butt (or for me, your lack thereof). However, taking these prints and selling them on the streets like Johnny Bravo is really not a good idea. Especially if you're like me because you would be selling blank pieces of paper.
7) Chocolate bars. Specifically, chocolate bars in chocolate bar bags. Even more specifically, chocolate bars in chocolate bar bags carried by chocolate bar bag carrying bags. If you ever think even for a moment to pull a Spongebob and Patrick and attempt to sell chocolate bars, think again. You will most likely start selling bags to carry them, bags to carry the bags, and bags to carry the carrying bags, and so on. Then you'll be constantly unzipping your bags until you find, after thirty tries, that one chocolate bar at the bottom. As satisfying as that may feel, it's definitely not worth your time or anyone's money.
Breaking traditions is sometimes beneficial and individualistic, but not always when it comes to fundraising. Fundraising is not an individual thing, so don't sell butt prints, don't sell cookies by a diabetes clinic, and don't sell chocolate bar bag carrying bags. However, a throw-up booth featuring Katie might be a good idea. That's not breaking any tradition.
NO.
~Swan Jr. and Bjork
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