What REALLY Happened

Today, I watched one of Cris's interviews about his crying habits, and I eventually interviewed him myself and uncovered the whole story. Thanks to Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quotes-Quill, I was able to get all of the information in detail.

Yesterday morning, as Cris woke up and tumbled out of bed, he felt like something was missing. Something deep down that he couldn't quite put his finger on (ew, I know). It was the fact that he hadn't seen the Love the Way You Lie music video yet! He didn't even change out of his sparkly red underwear to watch it, because he usually wears those when he watches Eminem and Rihanna anyway. So he rushed to the computer, typed in Love the Way You Lie into youtube, was obnoxiously taken to Vevo as everyone always is, and glued his eyes to the computer for another four minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

Apparently he was touched by the filmmaker's expertise in catching Megan Fox's "Fuck!" yelled on screen during one of her angsty fights with random Eminem wannabe. Or maybe he was touched by the random scenes of Eminem singing in a field with a lot of sunlight. Or maybe he was touched when everyone discovered Rihanna wasn't wearing pants in the video. Or when a fight randomly turned into making out with Megan Fox. Or maybe when Eminem set the house on fire and it turned out to be Rihanna's house, even though she kept singing in front of it. Or maybe he liked when Eminem was on fire in that random field with a lot of sunlight. Or maybe he likes how Eminem was creeping in the back of Rihanna's big solo at the end. Or maybe he liked how much of a third wheel Rihanna was when Megan and Wannabe made out in front of her burning house. Or maybe he likes that he has Cindy's number now (the one on Wannabe's hand in the beginning of the video). But they're not actually fighting about that. Eminem wannabe actually won monopoly against Megan Fox, so she had sex with him. Naturally. Everyone does that apparently.

So after all of this, Cris told me and the rest of the world that it was the filmmaker's expertise that made him cry. That's gay.

But in case you haven't noticed, you can't spell cries without Cris.

Eminem is the third wheel this time. Cris was actually right next to Eminem, but he was crying so I edited him out.

~Not-Crybaby